Long-Term Couples

Long term couples face a myriad of challenges, not the least of which is a dearth of real information on long term couples.  As part of a couple for almost 30 years now, I know personally how the relationship can change and morph over the decades and various kinds of problems rear their ugly heads.  My partner Micheal (yes, another one) and I were in our early 20’s when we met.  As a friend recently pointed out to me, we actually grew up together.  Growing up is a messy business.

My mother and father were married even earlier, but their marriage lasted only 21 years.  They had difficulties and could not continue.

Over the last decade or so, research is surfacing about long term couples, and its kind of surprising.  One researcher debunks the myths that “arguing equals trouble,” and “opposites attract” among others.  He says that none of the myths apply if the couple can generate and maintain (or simply remember) positive emotions from their partner.  If you have a sufficient “bank account” of positive interactions as a couple, he says, you can weather almost any emotional storm. 

But if your relationship is made up of mostly negative emotions, you’re cruising toward separation, either emotionally or physically or both.  Seems self-evident, but over the course of a long term relationship, habits develop without us noticing.

One habit we tend toward is monogamy.  Traditionally, the reputation of same-sex couples is that they are not monogamous.  Some studies have shown that up to two-thirds of long term same-sex couples are not monogamous.  But for those couples, what does that mean?  There’s a lot of opposite-sex couples who aren’t monogamous either – we call that having an affair.

Well, two researchers have solicited and surveyed 86 long term non-monogamous same-sex couples about the impact of their non-monogamy.  The study seems to indicate that of those who participated, 75% described “solely positive impact.”  From my reading though, the primary positive impact is  that 78% said “being open [about outside sex] gave them a sexual outlet without having to lie…”  Personally, I think the study is skewed by self-selection of the participants but the results are interesting nonetheless.

John Gray, author of MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS, says there are five traits of long-term loving couples, and the first is “communicate, communicate, communicate.”

In this cynical live-together world of romance today, you might be surprised that long-term couples are still getting married.  Yes, actually married, after years of unwedded bliss, Anna Carey reports.

If you are in a long term opposite-sex relationship, you can participate in important couples research by joining this study out of Stonybrook University.  Another couples study for couples of all genders comes out of Southern Methodist University.

Whatever your genders, if you’re in a long term couple, you know the challenges and rewards that come from it.  You can’t make problems just disappear, but you can create more of the cement that holds you together in the face of those problems.  As this new year approaches, let’s commit to creating more positive emotional experiences with our partners.  Let’s not rely on happenstance, let’s actually go out and create those experiences deliberately. 

Happy New Year!

www.ManifestationCoaching.com

Letter About Christmas

Normally, I detest chain emails.  Though I almost always am drawn to read them, I still find them an annoying waste of time.  But this email, below, is a little different.  It’s not complaining, and its not cynical.  I share it here in hopes that you and yours will have a wonderful Christmas and New Year, and any other holiday you celebrate!

Letter from Jesus about Christmas --

Dear Children,

It has  come to my attention that many of you are upset that folks are taking My name out  of the season. Maybe you've forgotten that I wasn't actually born during this time of the year and that it was some of your predecessors who decided to celebrate My birthday on what was actually a time of pagan festival. . .  although I do appreciate being remembered anytime.

How I personally  feel about this celebration can probably be most easily understood by those of you who have been blessed with children of your own. I don't care what you call the day. If you want to celebrate My birth, just GET ALONG AND LOVE ONE  ANOTHER.

Now, having said that, let Me go on. If it bothers you that the town in which you live doesn't allow a scene depicting My birth, then just get rid of a couple of Santas and snowmen and put in a small Nativity scene on  your own front lawn. If all My followers did that there wouldn't be any need for such a scene on the town square because there would be many of them all around town.

Stop worrying about the fact that people are calling the tree a holiday tree, instead of a Christmas tree. It was I who made all trees. You can remember Me anytime you see any tree. Decorate a grape vine if you wish: I actually spoke of that one in a teaching, explaining who I am in relation to you and what each of our tasks were. If you have forgotten that one, look up John 15: 1 - 8. 

If you want to give Me a present in remembrance of  My birth here is my wish list. Choose something from it:

1. Instead of writing protest letters objecting to the way My birthday   is being celebrated, write letters of love and hope to soldiers away from   home. They are terribly afraid and lonely this time of year. I know, they tell Me all the time.

2. Visit someone in a nursing home. Not just during Christmas time, but all through the year. You don't have to know them personally. They just need to know that someone cares about them.

3.  Instead of writing the president complaining about the wording on the   cards his staff sends out this year, why don't you write and tell him that   you'll be praying for him and his family? Then follow up. It will be nice
  hearing from you again.

4. Instead of giving your children a lot of gifts you can't afford and they don't need, spend time with them. Tell them the story of My birth, and why I came to live with you down here.. Hold them in your arms and remind them that I love them.

5. Pick someone that has hurt you in the past and forgive them.

6. Did you know that someone in your town will attempt to take their own life this season because they feel so alone and hopeless?  Since you don't know who that person is, try giving everyone you meet a warm smile; it could make the difference.

7. Instead of nit picking about what the retailer in your town calls the holiday, be patient with the people who work there. Give them a warm smile and a kind word. Even if they aren't allowed to wish you a "Merry Christmas" that doesn't keep you from wishing them one. Then stop shopping there on Sunday. If the store didn't make so much money on that day they'd close and  let their employees spend the day at home with their families

8. If  you really want to make a difference, support a missionary-- especially one   who takes My love and Good News to those who have never heard My name.

9. Here's a good one.. There are individuals and whole families in   your town who not only will have no "Christmas" tree, but neither will they have any presents to give or receive. If you don't know them, buy some food and a few gifts and give them to the Salvation Army or some other charity which believes in Me and they will make the delivery for you.

10.   Finally, if you want to make a statement about your belief in and loyalty to Me, then behave like a Christian. Don't do things in secret that you wouldn't do in My presence. Let people know by your actions and words that you are one of mine. Forget how much money someone you know has, or doesn't have. Forget about that. It's not your business. Leave off the gossip. Use your mind for something constructive.

Don't forget; I am God and can take care of Myself. Just love Me and do what I have told you to do. I'll take care of all the rest. Check out the list above and get to work; time is short. I'll help you, but the ball is now in your court.

And do have a most blessed Christmas with all those whom you love and remember :

I Love You, Jesus