Avoiding discouragement....

(www.ManifestationCoaching.com)

It’s been a long time since I’ve updated my blog, and I hope you won’t think I’ve lost interest.  I’ve been really busy since the beginning of the year because I’ve been promoted to the head of our District’s human resources division.  I work in the public sector where career advancement can seem glacial compared to the private for-profit employers where I’ve spent most of my working life.  I’ve been there six years already, and finally am moving up.  But it’s a place where people make careers and don’t want to leave.  (I hope as head of HR to continue that tradition.)  And realistically, as you rise within an organization, the opportunities become fewer as you funnel your way to the top.

When I mentioned to a friend that I was officially “the boss” now, she said “Wow, that took forever.  Weren’t you discouraged?” And upon reflection, I realized that despite setbacks, I had simply refused to become discouraged.  That got me thinking. How did I do that?  When I was younger, I couldn’t just refuse to get discouraged.  I remember feeling discouraged and depressed and defeated.  So how did I get to this place of power; the power to refuse to accept discouragement?

Admittedly, some of the progress must be attributed to my increased age.  There’s nothing like a little time behind the wheel to give you a better sense of yourself and the world around you.  But that’s only a little help.  More importantly, I finally learned a few lessons.  Lessons that can be learned at any age, and the earlier the better.

Discouragement:  

 1. to deprive of the will to persist in something 

 2. to inhibit; prevent: this solution discourages rust  

3. to oppose by expressing disapproval
  

No matter how well-intentioned and detailed our resolutions may be, most of us will stop pursuing them before we get to our goal.  Why?  What is the powerful enemy to our achievement?  In a single word: discouragement.  It robs us of our destiny. 

The foundational principle of See, Say, Do is that you have the power to make change in your life.  That you don’t have to wait for some charitable soul to come along and rescue you.  But if you have the power to make change, you also have the power to block it.  And that’s what is really happening when we allow ourselves to become discouraged.  So what is discouragement, and how can we avoid it? 

Deprive the Will to Persist...

Here’s the only place in my See, Say, Do principles that depends on willpower.  The will to persist. Sometimes, when the will to persist vanishes, we know that we didn’t really want what we were pursuing.  But when you are chasing your life’s dream, you can’t stop with every little setback.  You have to keep going.  So why do we stop?  Most people’s reasons boil down to one simple thing…we stop believing it’s possible to achieve the dream.  Few people can be satisfied chasing the impossible dream for long.

Too often we assume that everything will happen according to our own timetable.  But that can be a challenge if there are others involved.  For example, if you're working on a team project, your timetable isn't the only one to consider.  Others have demands and priorities and you'll all have to fit together to get the task accomplished.  Or, you may feel that you're fully ready and prepared for the new challenge, but you may be incorrect. Or maybe you underestimated how long completion will take.  No matter what the cause, the first challenge comes when change doesn't occur when we expect it. 

We assume that this means we are failing.  Then what happens?  We lose faith in ourselves.  Losing faith means we can't see any reason to continue.  We lose the will to persist.

The solution?  Insist.  Insist on believing you can achieve. Insist on continuing the chase.  Accept that sometimes progress will be quicker than other times, and that occasionally there may even be setbacks.  But insist on continuing, no matter what tries to hold you back. 

To Inhibit... 

Have you ever heard yourself say something like: "I couldn't do that, that's just not for me."  Or "I can't do it that way."  Or worse, "I can't do it until/unless [fill in blank]."  Each of these phrases is a life inhibiter.  Each takes the abundant universe and carves away its most precious gifts.  Say those things, or anything like them, and you cut out a wide swath of potential choices and strategies.  Why?  Because you place burdens on your choices even before you can consider them. 

There's an old folk tale involving a storekeeper and two villagers.  The storekeeper needed to get some supplies to the next village.  He offered a small sum to the first villager to take the load.  The first villager looked at the load and thought "that's way too heavy to carry to the next village no matter what he pays!"  He declined the job.  The storekeeper made the same offer to a second villager.  The second one looked at the load and asked himself "how can I get that load delivered since its obviously too heavy to carry?"  Once the question was asked, the answer was obvious. 

The second villager bargained for a slightly higher sum, and used the difference to rent a pack mule for the journey. 

The first villager lost the opportunity because he was caught in life inhibiting thoughts.

Another example:  A recent client complained that he didn’t have enough time for his family.  When we looked at his normal schedule, it was filled with work, gym, sports events with the guys, business dinners, even self-improvement classes, but little of it was dedicated to his family. 

When we discussed the packed schedule, my client had strong justifications for each appointment.  There was a reason why he needed to keep each and every one of those appointments.  But each one was a blocker, an inhibitor, to reaching the goal my client said he wanted.  Each of those appointments took away time that could have been spent with family.

 After initial resistance, my client finally was able to see how everything was connected, and developed a new understanding of the relative importance of his schedule.  He was able finally to attach the proper importance to different events and meetings and make more time for his family. 

To Oppose...

On my web site, I discuss that many people will seem to take delight in assuring you of your ultimate failure and therefore foolishness to try and make positive change in your life.  From well-intentioned parents who wish you’d get a real job, to an otherwise loving spouse who fears you are over-reaching yourself.  And of course, the jealous co-worker who envies anything someone else has.   

Each of those can waylay your progress until you learn how to deal with them.  But the most powerful distraction from your dreams is you.

You would never actually oppose yourself would you?  Seems like a silly question.  But how often have you feared that you weren't good enough, or good looking enough, or smart enough, or whatever enough?  It all comes down to deserving.  Do you feel you deserve your goal?  Do you know you deserve your goal?  Do you accept yourself and your limitations as valuable and worthwhile?  They are, of course.  No, you're not perfect, but no one else is either.  

Once you've learned to accept and cherish yourself, weaknesses and all, you will stop opposing your own progress.  Then you can focus on dealing with external opposition.